Thursday, January 5, 2012

Music Challenge, Day Two: Miss Chatelaine

I love KD Lang, but it always freaks me out to watch her sing. Because her voice is cake batter – all sweet and thick and smooth, pouring out in lazy ripples and oozing to the corners of the pan. But she looks (and I’m sorry, honey; I love you, but you do) like Lennie Small.

That’s the big guy from Of Mice and Men. The one who kills things by loving them too hard. Who finally has to get taken out back and shot like a wounded dog. Don’t worry, I had to google his last name, too.  

I’m sure my Lesbian Contingent will chime in to protest, and to them I say: to each her own. All I know is it makes my head hurt to watch her sing. But it makes me love her even more. If she were Julie London, I would hate her. In fact, I do hate Julie London. Sing like that with a face like that and you’re a Hallmark Card. But sing like a swan with an ugly-duckling face, and you’re a Great American Novel come to life.

Except she’s Canadian. But I’m willing to forgive her that for songs like these:

Still bugs me that she says “exscape,” though.

Because if it turns out she’s stupid, too, that tips the scales.

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